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VeryProudofYa
I am the star nosed mole, I have come for your children.

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School of Hard Knocks

Roggle

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You dig?

Posted by VeryProudofYa - August 8th, 2007


Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk?

His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called, "The Better Hole" that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?" "Nah I had to go relieve myself."

After a while the ass starts talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time. Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and start eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags about how nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth.

Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him, "Its you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat AND shit."

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpoles tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous - except for the EYES you dig. Thats one thing the asshole COULDN'T do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldnt give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes WENT OUT, and there was no more feeling in them than a crabs eyes on the end of a stalk.


Comments

It's an excerpt.

From what? well,

dog, i can dig it like a dingo in the dominica. do discover dicks, bryce. i don't dig davey's dumb dribble poop, do you dig? damn dude, death was dooming during the distinguishing due to discord with davey's delivery. don't download, dammit, you dig? do these disconnected deficient drones do damage to your deduction of digging? do i discontinue? only if you dig.

PS: (_(_)IIIIIIIIIID

what the fuck
are you talking about

okay, go burry the talking ass hole somewhere, so i can get a shovel, and dig him up. you dig?

or do you digg?

Wow....

veryproudofdicks

you aren't nothin' if you can't preciate no dicks

where are the dogs?
no dogs!!
DISCRIMINATION.

I heard dogs have sex with dogs. I can't support that

Jim Carrey taught his ass how to talk.

But did it have raspy in curving teeth?