Think about that.
ps G-Banger got rid of the lame watermark on my profile pic. Not perfect, but looks better than it did. You should all give him a handjob.
Single greatest show I have ever seen in my life.
Man, it was unreal.
Also Lee Rocker is on the same level as Jesus.
I'm seeing the stray cats TONIGHT.
I'm a little excited
Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk?
His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.
This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called, "The Better Hole" that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?" "Nah I had to go relieve myself."
After a while the ass starts talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time. Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and start eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags about how nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth.
Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him, "Its you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat AND shit."
After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpoles tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous - except for the EYES you dig. Thats one thing the asshole COULDN'T do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldnt give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes WENT OUT, and there was no more feeling in them than a crabs eyes on the end of a stalk.
Old timey barbers are beyond excellent. I recently got a quiff haircut, after having 20+ inche straight hair.
(an example of a quiff can be found here: http://layrite.com/images/quiff_aka_sh arkfin_14.jpg)
This was swell enough, since they had a barber specifically trained to do it at the Hootenanny, which is a 50's, rockabilly, greaser sort of event with live music all day.
Anyway, the barber's that set up the tent there are only located in california, so I had the task set of finding one to do my cut in reno.
Of course, seeing the pic you think it looks quite simple, but because the head is round, the hair on the very top of my skull is shorter than the hair on the back, even with the graduation down towards the back.
Anyway, I asked around at a supercuts if they knew of an actual barber, and they gave me the adress and all that. The barber itself was in the most mexican part I've ever seen in Nevada. I was slightly disheartened, thinking to myself that they'd just have cholo cuts or something.
When I walked it i was made at ease: this place was a total man den. boar heads, buffalo heads, antlers of every stripe adorned the wall. There were three old white stereotypical barbers cutting and one in his thirties.
Anyway, the cut was awesome. And since the sides of my head are completely shaved he brought out the straight razor. and ungguhguhguhguhgghuguhg. It's hard to explain how awesome getting a straight razor cut is, to someone who doesn't know.
Not quite as awesome as the hot towel shave, but still bliss.
I don't really have anything to go out on, so I'll say this:
People on the east coast will never know the unbridled joy of In-n-Out
I enjoy doodling while I use the internet.
I often sit down, sans pants, with a pilot pen in hand and scrawl down little drawings in between banning minorities on the bbs and watching tranny porn.
So I dusted off the ol' scanner, uploaded a few drawings, and decided to post them here.
Primarily because I feel it'd be a waste of a topic in the art forum, and it always bugs me when people that are terrible artists make a topic "showcasing" themselves So I'll spare everyone and showcase my terrible art on the newfangled user page.
One thing to note is that the scanner blew these things up a christload, so you can see every infinitesimal splotch of white that I missed during coloring. I am also far too lazy to fix this on the computer.
As I mentioned earlier, I only use (with the one exception) Pilot Pens. That's because it's pretty much the only pen I own, and is the best writing utensil of all time.
If you disagree I'll find you and impale your ass.
And also, the titles really have no significance at all, I just titled them as I scanned them.
Harry Potter's for homosexuals.
Just thought I'd put that out there.
And for the rest of you, here's Tom and Shok in bed with a woman(?)
Users that create glitch/problem topics in the forums make me want to die.
BECAUSE THERE'S A NEWSPOST AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE THAT'S APPROPRIATELY TITLED AND INCREDIBLY EASY TO NOTICE.
DO THEY NOT EVEN GIVE THE PAGE A ONCE OVER BEFORE REACHING FOR THE NEW TOPIC BUTTON? CHRIST.
You guys are giving me cancer.
Hello newgrounds, this week I bought some ciabatta bread so I could make roast beef and havarti cheese I did this last week and the bread was the same size as the cheese so everything was symmetrical and even and looked nice and tasted good but when I bought them this time the bread was very very large and now when I put the slice of havarti down there's extra space all aorund and I don't think it looks nice i wish whomever makes the ciabatta would just hacve a uniform size because I can't take all this change and i really wish that it would match up with the cheese better instead of having all this extra space that I don't like this really upsets me and makes me feel like less of a man every time i have a sandwich i just wish they'd please fix this
okay bye newgrounds.